Change...

If you don't like change, then you are not going to have a happy life. I was just looking at the The House album over on Picasa and I realize that the place has come a long way. It's slowly starting to take on the look and the feel of MY house. It's still a far cry from my grand vision, but it's getting there.
I was looking over the notes that I wrote to Steve in the bitter cold of January of 2003...
And I realize how far I've come since then. It is surprising to find myself here, in 2011 on the cusp of major change, again. When I was 16, 20, 32 I truly thought I'd be dead before 40.
And I was OK with that. Really. Life hadn't been all that big a blast before then, what would I miss?
Beyond my time with Steve, not really all that much. Since 2003, I've moved, been displaced by a house fire, lived homeless, moved, moved, and moved again.
I've put a lot of work into this place, hopefully this it. (I was gonna say that this better be it, but issuing that kinda of challenge to my Trickster god is not a wise move. I will say hopefully and bow before the unknown.)
It hasn't all been bad, don't get me wrong. I've had a lot of fun in the last 8 years. Archon was fantastic last year. I'm lookin forward to this year, even if it is in Collinsville. I have fun friends and I don't get to spend much time with them.
And, I'm rather proud of my garden. It ain't much, but I did it all myself. (If you wanna see the garden, check out Gorilla Gardening, my other blog. That one has more pictures.)
And, even Stupid dog is growing on me.
But would I trade all that for more time with Steve?
In a heartbeat.
One of the few things that kept me going through all that was my job. I liked my job. People weren't yelling at me all the time and the work was the right mix of easy to challenging. But, most of all the people were just plain nice. It paid enough to scrape by and even get some fun things, like the camera. It was just getting to the point where it would pay slightly more than enough.
And now it's gone.
Poof.
I think too many people are experiencing that dropping feeling. That feeling of the whole universe just vanishing. Unfortunately, I think that feeling is going to spread.
What am I going to do?
Haven't a clue.
I don't like most of the options that would be most likely to pan out. IE: Doing what I've been doing somewhere else. Most of the somewhere elses I've been weren't all that fun. Finding some other little niche in the corporate cesspool doesn't really appeal, specially not with the cost of transportation likely to do nothing but climb. There's retail or fast food here in town, and that appeals about as much as a tooth ache.
I realize that's probably where it'll end up, and I will do it. But I won't like it.
And nobody said I had to like it...
So, on the way home tonight, (I bussed it without the MP3 player, so I had a lot of time to think) I decided, I'm gonna do some of the things I've been wanting to do. I've already done a couple of them. I started this blog and I made a Gnome.
And I'm doing good at the writing something everyday. I've got a start.
So, come Tuesday, July 5 I'm gonna start doing some of the things I've been wanting to do, at least for a little while.
I'll keep you posted...