Yes, for decades I have believed that all is not what I've been told it is.
Thinking about it now, in reflection of a conversation from yesterday, I realize my basic, rabid mistrust of authority figures stated when I was 5 in a doctor's office. That moment sparked a couple of life long love/hate relationships and a basic mistrust of everything and everybody around me, cuz if people who care for you are willing to really, really hurt you, anything can happen.
Shortly after that, religion and I had a permanent falling out after they tried to tell me I was guilty for something that happened centuries before I was born.
Sorry, guys, I'm only responsible for my actions and bad choices. I'm not taking the rap for somebody else. I don't care who it is, or what you think.
So, by the age of 6 I'd had a profound break with respect for authority, because it was authority. It takes more than a label to get my respect.
And I don't believe what I'm told.
I don't believe in climate change because I've been told it's happening.
I believe in climate change because I see the birds migrating later in the fall and earlier in the spring, and I see new, more colorful, little song birds mixed in with the sparrows. The weather now is different than when I was a kid. The storms are getting bigger. The winds are stronger than I remember.
So, I've been questioning the basics of everything since I was a kid.
And the older I get, the more I realize that it's really worse than I imagined.
Watching the primary season unfold is an eye opening experience. On one side you've got old white guys swaggering around making the usual overblown disingenuous promises, and spreading fear and hate. One openly wants to make this God's kingdom on earth. (The founding fathers are spinning in their graves.)
On the other side there's lying , cheating, and bribery going on.
And that's the Democrats, They are supposed to be the ones above that sort of thing.
And that was last week.
It's about 3am Monday morning and I have no idea why I'm sitting here instead of going to bed. Except, my head won't shut up. There's almost always a crowd of thoughts and voices running through my head like rabid squirrels on crack.
I've learned to ignore the noise, for the most part. But, I frequently wonder if ignoring the nose is the wisest choice. For one thing ignoring the noise keeps me from writing. Without that noise, I have nothing to say.
But, there's a lot of stuff mixed in the noise, and that's a hurdle all by itself. Like right now there's a very loud voice telling me to just stop typing, and go to bed. That, with the gardening thoughts and plans that keep springing up, and the guilt over not having more done, the insinuous voice telling me I'm a looser with nothing to show for my life, worries about money, wondering what to get for dinner tomorrow night, knowing I have a long day of work ahead....
That all has a tendency of derailing the train, Takes a lot for coherent thought to get through all that.
And, unless I've got time or I'm so pissed off I don't care how long it takes or having a funky moment, like now, I don't write...
Well, the voices of my better angels prevailed. Sleep won out over thinking. I went to bed. Got up. Eventually got my lazy carcass moving, cleaned up the patio some, moved laundry along, did the 6 jobs that were due yesterday and today, bought some plants, came home, ate, dealt with the animals, watched some more Glee, and went to bed.
And now it's Tuesday.
And I'm procrastinating on the moving part of this day. I'm contemplating the possibilities. I have a job open that I could go work on.
And that could happen. Ya never know.
But my intent for this day is yard work. We've got plants, they need a home. But, in my experience things change, sometimes drastically in a small frame of time. There are many and varied things I really need to do.
I need to work on the garden.
I need to do laundry.
I need to clean up around here.
I need to print documentation and my tax return this year, cuz someone filed a return with my social already.
I need to go get dog and cat food.
Etc, etc, etc......
And from here there are several topics and slants to pursue. There's the idea that started this post, which has been with me for a very long time. There's a daily post with the doings of HappyDale. There's thoughts and musing kicked up by conversations with my SFAM Rose. I could comb through the last couple of weeks for an echos post.
I have plenty of things to do and say.
But I'm sitting here feeling like a bunny in headlights, and I don't know winch way to jump...
Cuz, I realize that the world is way more screwed than even I thought it was.
And there's really not much I can do about that.
I believe in the power of positive energy. But, I'm having difficulty holding onto a charge. I'm in the middle of rough patch and it seems that no matter what I try, no matter how positive I am, there's always something, some major or minor negative occurrence to overcome.
And I know I'm not alone in the constant, unrelenting struggle to just get by, to keep the bills paid and food on the table.
And that's part of the reason this country is where it's at.
The vast majority of the population is overburdened, exhausted, and numb. We have been worn and dumbed down, divided and terrorized, medicated and mesmerized, poisoned and starved. We are nothing more than cannon fodder, dead peasants, and cheap labor.
And, I've come to believe, this is intentional. This is being done with malice of forethought. The fear and hatred is planned and scripted.
And if we don't wake up and smell the napalm, they are going to leave nothing but scorched earth.
It's taken a lifetime for me to fully accept that what I see in this country today has been consciously engineered. But I've moved past the belief that it's a wholly natural state.
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